By Dianne Ophelia

A crucial time to establish that you, as a Father, are entitled to a substantial amount of Custodial Time with Your Child in your Divorce or Custody Action is often prior to the Child's Birth.

If your spouse or the mother of your child is pregnant when you separate or file for Divorce, and she attempts to exclude you from the pregnancy, take every action you can without her.

Go to classes to learn about the birthing process and how to care for your newborn. Get certificates or other documentation of all of the training that you receive. Even if you have other children and have been through the process, Custody Court's don't always believe that a Father, even of several children, knows how to care for a newborn, without Mom present.

If you have friends or relatives with a baby, ask if you can babysit their children - by yourself. It doesn't count if someone else is present. The intent is to show the court your abilities. Have them write letters on your behalf.

For some reason, everyone just assumes a Mother knows how to take care of a newborn, but a Dad doesn't. So even if it is not "fair," suck it up and go the extra mile to show you can do it - and probably better than Mom - because you have more education and experience than she will have by the time you finish.

Be at the hospital when the child is born, even if Mom won't let you in the room. Be sure you are named on the birth certificate.

If you believe Mom won't tell you when she goes to the hospital, ask your attorney to obtain a Custodial Court Order from Family Court forcing Mom to notify you within an hour of her going to the hospital.

Get to know the hospital staff and get them to like you so they will cooperate with your requests to be with the child. Ask the nurses if you can hold the baby and how often they will allow it so that you can bond right away.

You may also want to ask your attorney to obtain a Custody Order to set up a schedule of your time with the baby once it is born.

Some Family Law Courts will make these types of Custody orders even before a child is born, others will not. If they will not, then be certain to have your attorney set a court date to arrange a custodial schedule as soon after the baby is born as possible.

If you believe that the Mother may try to allege that you are not the biological Father, have your attorney apply to the Family Law Court asking for Paternity tests immediately upon the birth of the child.

Courts generally consider paternity tests (DNA tests) to be conclusive, so this should immediately eliminate the argument that you can't be with the child because you may not be its Father.

Some Dads think that it is better to ignore the birth and the first months or even years of a child's life. They figure that they won't have to financially contribute for the child in this way.

What they find out, however, is that Mom doesn't ask for financial help long enough to make sure the child is bonded only with her and she is considered the sole parent from a custody standpoint. Then, after a few months or years, she files a motion requesting child support from Dad. Not only does Dad then have to pay support for a child he has no relationship with, he generally has to pay additional support because the child is not with him much, if at all.

At the very early stages I have seen Mom's use breast feeding for extensive periods of time as the reason for limited Custodial time with Dad. Bring your studies to court about breast feeding and how long is appropriate for children. Believe me; Mom will bring in studies trying to prove that it is appropriate for a much longer period of time. You have to be armed with reliable, trustworthy studies.

It is true that breast feeding can limit your time with the child for awhile. However, during this period, Mom can pump her milk and you can take it with you. Or, if that doesn't work, just make your visits shorter and much more often. Don't let the argument stop you from bonding with your baby early in its life.

Keep your schooling up after the child is born. Get certificates showing that you have received the proper training to care for young children. Get your First Aid Certificate. Show that you know how to feed, bath, change diapers and educate and entertain young children. Again, you have to prove that you are worthy of Custody of this Newborn, even if you have other Children.

Even though the Family Law Court probably won't feel this is necessary for Mom, Dad's have to go the extra mile. And, the good news is, it will make you a Better Dad, and a Better Parent.

During your time with the child, be home alone with your child as much as possible. Keep child care and babysitters to a minimum. If you have to work long hours, try to work out an arrangement with your employer to work extra hours during your non-custodial time. Enjoy this special time with your child as much as you can.

Fathers are learning that to succeed in their Custody and Divorce actions, they must be prepared, and be able to prove that they are prepared to be as good as - if not a better parent - than Mom. Most Family Law Court's are still prejudiced against Dads, particularly with young children. You can combat this prejudice with the proper Preparation, Education and Hard Core Evidence to present to win Your Custody Case.

Read everything that you can get your hands on to prepare your ahead of time for your Custody and Divorce Action.