Dad's Stuff

Dating Tips for Single Dads

So you’re single again, after what seems like an eternity of sitting on that lounge in front of the sports channel balancing life as a single dad, getting used to doing all the cooking and housework , all while staying focused at work the time has finally come.... you are ready to get out there and start dating.

Meeting single women as a single dad, where do you start?

Be honest and open to your date, as a single dad explain your situation.

First of all it is important to be open about your situation. You now come as a package and the benefit is you have learnt something about what you yourself and you know what it is you are looking for. Tell your date briefly about your children, and how often you see them. It is important not to dwell on the subject as you are here to get to know your date rather than have a counselling session.

Revealing too much will have her thinking you are not over your last relationship.

Qualities to look for in a woman as a single Dad, is she right for you?

As a single dad you will be more discerning about the style of lady you bring into your life. Be selective and consider the qualities that would complement you and your child. Considerations to be taken into account when dating single women are:

Fun is she fun? Fun is considered a number one aphrodisiac. Dating someone positive, outgoing and light-hearted will be a huge benefit to your life as opposed to someone overly serious and negative.
Is she child friendly? You have a little person consider, will she be kind caring, patient and flexible or is she still heavily involved in clubbing and drinking excessively or incredibly self focused.
Is she patient and accepting of your child? Children need love and affection is she warm and friendly, does she take an interest in your child or prefer not to have anything to do with your child.
Is she family orientated? A family orientated woman would benefit your situation.

Introducing your date to your child as a single Dad.

As a single Dad you must consider your children’s feelings. When re-establishing your relationship ensure you take it slowly. Explain to your children why are you are dating, it is important to eliminate their fears and anxieties and let them know they aren’t being replaced they are will always be number 1.

When you are happy with your new relationship and feels stable tell your children about her, once they are both ready to meet introduce them.

Most importantly when dating take the pressure off and have fun! Reflect on what it is that you have learnt from your previous relationship, leave any negatively behind you and look forward to your new life with your new partner.

Samantha Jayne, professional matchmaker, columnist, presenter and dating expert.
To find out how we can introduce you to that special someone or more dating tips please visit www.bluelabellife.com.au.

Embracing Fatherhood promotes fulfilment and improved work performance

Work-life Balance

By Richard Yapp

All fathers inherently love their families very much. A healthy and functional home makes a big difference to a man’s attitude and drive at work. At the end of life, family is what really matters.

7 tips to Embracing Fatherhood at home

1.Schedule time
No matter how small eg 15 mins, schedule time for meaningful connection with various members of the family. What does not get scheduled does not get done. Do this regularly for a month. Each subsequent month, increase by a small amount the scheduled time.

2.Make positive emotional deposits
Say positive things with meaning. Do positive things. Be appropriate and express love with meaning.

3.Improve your language in communicating
Avoid the words “But” and “Don’t”. Choose words to use appropriately

4.Love your partners and invest in that relationship
Being positive to your partner despite any challenges makes a significant difference in the emotional wellbeing of children

5.Resolve conflicts & issues effectively and appropriately.
Learn some valuable skills in this area. Seek help if required. Avoid sweeping issues under the carpet.

6.Have regular meals and family activities together
E.g. board games evening, holidays, community projects

7.Regularly date your partner and each of your children.
Schedule regular dates eg half day with each one in the family over a month, quarter or half year. Whatever can be managed in your schedule. Even a periodic meal together is good.

A hundred years from now, it will not matter the house you lived in, the size of your bank account or how successful you were in business. But the world may be a better place if YOU were IMPORTANT in the life of YOUR CHILD.

Time with Dad

Work-life Balance

By Richard Yapp

My father is 73 years old and living in a country town in NSW called Narrendra. It’s a 6 hour drive from Melbourne where I live. He has been living here for the last 3 years and I had not seen him for over a year. In the past, relationships have been a little strained due to particular family issues. Under these circumstances, its easy to forget he exists due to the distance.

However, last weekend, I took my mother up to visit him. Both of them are divorced and living separate lives but still good friends. I played golf with him on Sat and that was simply a most wonderful experience. Why because I was doing something special with my father. Playing golf over the decades has been a special father & son activity for us. It promotes our bonding. Our golf game was not flash but the experience was poignant.

Seeing him and spending time with him reminded me that I have a father and someone who really loves me. He has never stopped loving me as his son. His generosity flowed ie paying for everything like he has always done. He was so happy to see us. It was like the highlight of the year for him. He introduced us to his close friends up there. He’s still proud of his family. I felt guilty for neglecting him and made a resolve to ring more often and come up at least twice a year if possible. I now want to bring my son to spend some time with him. This will happen in a couple of weeks time when I travel to Sydney with my son. Instead of going straight to Sydney, we will stop off overnight and visit my father and spend some time with him.

Children need their grandparents and grandparents need their grandchildren. Each have important roles to play in their lives. Both children and grandparents tend to miss out due to the tyranny of time and distance. But both these challenges can be overcome with some purposeful resolve and effort.

What are the lessons from this experience?

1. If your older father is still alive and you have not made contact for a while, pick up the phone and ring to say hello and tell him you love him. Then make arrangements sometime this year to visit if this is possible.

2. Look at the positives (overlook the negatives) in your relationship with your father. He’s not perfect and no matter what he has done (good or bad), there is always a father’s love deep in his heart for you. Try and connect with that.

3. If you have children and your father has not seen much of them, try and rectify this. Use technology to help with photos, email etc if distance is prohibitive.

4. If your father is not alive anymore, try just writing him a personal letter from you and let your emotions for him pour out on paper. Let this be private and personal. This is highly theraputic.

5. Treasure whatever time you have left with your father, especially if he is advanced in years.

Most of all, give your older father the FREEDOM to love you as his son. Then give back that love.

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